I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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