I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
