Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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