im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
