respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
