I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
