Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Is this like a preordered booty call?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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