There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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