so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
