2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Randomize
