so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
