I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Ladies don't puke and tell
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