Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
