what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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