I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
