if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
