I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
