i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
