Rock
Scissors
Fuck
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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