I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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