We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
