Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
