Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
