why didn't you poke me back
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
