You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
