Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
