guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
