I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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