My friends, they love my intelligence
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
