Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I pour the whiskey from now on
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
