I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Randomize
