I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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