Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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