careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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