Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
