I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
