Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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