That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
