i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
it glows. i had to have it.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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