five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
