I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
