i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
