toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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