come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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