definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
