I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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