If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
