I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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