and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
