Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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