big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
