Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
