Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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